You know when you are in high school and you finally found that special someone, you notice yourself doodling their name just about everywhere! The sound of their name just made your heart smile and skip a beat. Then you dreamed of the day the two of you would become one! For me, there was no greater honor than knowing that a man loved me so much that he wanted me to have his last name and that I’d become his wife! I never would have imagined that a day would come that I’d want to give that last name back as soon as I could!
As we all grew up, we heard the song and dance about getting married and having children. I mean for us women, that’s all that was talked about over and over during social gatherings. We didn’t hear a lot about starting a career right away back then, just being married. Single women all over the world get asked several times a year when they are getting married! In this day and age, it is overrated for sure. However, we were never told what to do when that marriage ends and how to get over the life that we once shared with our spouse! I am glad that times are finally changing and those much needed conversations are being had! Okay, okay! I hear you loud and clear! No one is going into a marriage thinking that it will end, but it’s good to know that you’ll have support and guidance no matter what happens! Fair??
If you know a bit of my story, I’ve been a single, divorced mom since September 2008 and from that union we had four handsome sons! Aft
er my divorce, I kept my name thinking that I’d probably get remarried soon and I’ll change it then. But as time went on and I began to grow as an independent woman, I didn’t want to get remarried as fast as I once thought, instead I needed my focus to be on my sons, increasing my income, and my further adjustment to rebuilding myself as a single woman. Unfortunately during that time I continued to have an eerie feeling each time someone called me by my marital name. It did get a bit better when I started having people hyphenate it with my maiden name. No doubt, a much better pill to swallow!!! Whew!
The decision to keep your married name or change it will all depend on your situation. My children were young and being in the education field for a long period of time, you get to see up close and personal how snobby people can be when you have a mom and her children with different last names, especially in the upscale area of Virginia in which we lived. So I decided to keep my name until my last son graduates from high school. However, as I moved into entrepreneurship, I started using my birth name in preparation for the future! I’m feelin’ it!!
It is now bittersweet that the time has come to officially drop my marital last name as my fourth son will graduate in the spring of 2019! A little part of me is beginning to mourn the loss to a piece of me that I’ve had since I was 22 years old. The piece of me that helped start a beautiful family, but also dealt with physical and emotional abuse towards the end of my marriage. The happiness was no longer there, his name no longer brought me joy or made my heart skip a beat, and time had finally come for me to take control of my happiness! I didn’t want my children to continue to see the downward spiral my marriage was heading, it wasn’t healthy. Our marriage was teaching our children the wrong idea about love. So I did the best thing for my family and let go. True strength is not always found in trying to hold on, it is often found in letting go!
I am so happy to be giving him back his name and long gone are the days I allowed him tell me how to feel, what to do, what to cook, and who to hang out with. No one should ever be allowed to do that to you. I am also proud of the fact that I also let go of the heartbreak that I allowed to control my happiness for so many years. From this point on, I refuse to allow a man to control my happiness! True happiness comes from within and you, ONLY Y-O-U can control it.
Changing your name after marriage may be a big deal to some and not to others. As for myself, it forced me to take a hard look at how I wanted to view myself as I moved forward with my new life. My ex-husband remarried, so I want her to freely carry that name, along with their young daughter. I seriously don’t want to be associated with that name any longer. I am laughing at myself right now because I seriously didn’t think I could do it for this long, but it was all out of love for my sons! I continue to amaze myself with my perseverance! In the end I know this will make me even more stronger and give me much more peace! Good luck with your name-changing decision! I am sure it will all work out just fine! Hugs!!!
Until next time, be good to yourself…
Christina J. aka, Purple Diva
“I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.” –Unknown
“Divorce is a fire exit. When a house is burning, it doesn’t matter who set the fire. If there is no fire exit, everyone in the house will be burned!” –Mehmet Murat ildan
